It is overdue. It is time to divide. The unification of the eyebrows is at an end. I can't tell if age is making my monobrow more "aggressive", or if my perception of it has increased in recent times, but I've come to the conclusion that it is time to take action. I'm evicting the bridge manually one-by-one.

I will make it into a game instead of a chore. I'll remove one hair at a time until someone notices "Hey! Your monobrow's gone!". I'll smile and secretly know that they were an unwitting contestant in Who's Single Eyebrow Was It, Anyway?, in which there are no prizes to be won. After the game show is over, I'll simply realize that my eyebrow had vanished during the show. It will be like magic. *POOF*

I will regret leaving the long-loved family of monobrows like Bert (pictured), Colin Ferrell, Salma Hayek, Matisyahu, Matthew McConaughey, Frank Zappa, John Kerry, and George W. Bush. Some have chosen to live out their lives as dual-browed individuals, and I will try it out as well.

I expect life on the other side of the hedge to be the same as it is now, although perhaps a smidge cooler.

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